I don’t really like spending my time angrily venting about wrestling pay-per-views, so I think I’ll make my Battleground review a short one. But just a little warning before we start with the match rankings, it wasn’t good…
#7 John Cena def. Rusev via flag stuff *1/2
Slow, tedious, not special enough to merit to merit the length it was given. I didn’t mind the finish, which saw Cena put Rusev through some tables before placing the flag in the flag-thing, but my god…what a waste of time. An incredibly dry chicken.
#6 Shinsuke Nakamura def. Baron Corbin via DQ *1/2
Probably one of the least recommendable matches ever, pretty much just because Shinsuke is amazing, but you would not know that at all from this match. It’s the worst Nakamura match I’ve ever seen, but I realise I haven’t seen anywhere near as many as a lot of other people. The match went exactly how I didn’t want it to, mostly focussing on Corbin dominance, then when it was Nakamura’s turn to get offence, a lot of the big moves were blown, from a weird chokeslam counter to a strange, one-legged backstabber, this wasn’t Nakamura’s day. The DQ finish was just the icing on the cake.
#5 Natalya def. Women to become #1 Contender *3/4
God bless Becky and Charlotte for trying really hard in this match, whenever neither of those two were in the ring, it was a real piece of shit. Lana botched a…kick – Tamina was unenjoyable, and Natalya was fine but she’s Natalya. Speaking of, I’ve no idea why she won, surely Naomi vs Charlotte or Becky would be a much better SummerSlam title match…
#4 Jinder Mahal def. Randy Orton via Punjabi Friendship to retain WWE Title **
This was actually enjoyable at times, but much like the tedious Undertaker/Shane HIAC Match, it was simply one spot that will give it any positive memorability, and that was Samir Singh going through the announce table from the structure. Yep, the best spot in this big title match involved somebody who wasn’t an actual part of the match. Much like the Cena/Rusev match, this just wasn’t fun, and yet I still think something good could be achieved with the Punjabi Prison match, WWE are just yet to do it. Also, the Great fucking Khali returned…
#3 Sami Zayn def. Maria Kanellis’ Husband **
This would’ve been refreshing if it wasn’t a basic weekly show match. I don’t mind heel newcomers losing if their gimmick is a bit goofy, and that’s what happened here. Like I said, this was a nothing match, but Sami knows how to work.
#2 Kevin Owens def. AJ Styles by ‘wtf’ to become United States Champion **1/2
It says a lot about AJ Styles that his worst WWE pay-per-view match is still the second best match of the night. Nothing really clicked here; Owens and Styles just can’t seem to have that good a match together, which is a shame as I’m a big fan. But the most baffling thing about this match was the finish, I’m not sure if there was some form of miscue, but there was a ref bump, and nothing really happened while he was down, nobody would’ve had the match won, and the heel didn’t cheat. When the referee came to, Owens reversed a submission into a pretty weak pinfall, the referee slowly counted to three and that was it. The best thing you can say is that it was more confusing than it was terrible.
#1 The New Day def. The Usos to become Tag Team Champions ****
And we’ve gone back to 2014, the Usos have had the best match on an an otherwise lacklustre pay-per-view. I give a big “thank you” to these guys, who put on one of the best matches any of them ever have, and for also putting something together that does not resemble the rest of the show at all. This was quick, exciting, the team offence was well-executed, everything was smooth, the near falls were ‘edge-of-your-seat’, and the matches big moves were great, particularly Xavier’s leaping finish. This was a sweet apple in a batch of worms, and I’m going to suck on that apple until the cows come home. No idea what I just said.
I remember Battleground won the Wrestling Observer ‘worst major show’ award in 2013 and 2014 – don’t be surprised if it gets that dishonour for the third time this year. This was lousily booked and it flowed horribly. Post-superstar shakeup Smackdown is incredibly flat, and they really need to make a few changes if it’s going to meet the standard of last year – but when pay-per-views end with the Great Khali costing Randy Orton title matches, it’s not looking good.
Overall Rating – D/E
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